I WISH YOU UNDERSTOOD by Jan Verhoeff

      Jan Verhoeff

Yeah, I'm single... But I wish you'd understand that this isn't the life I planned.

I never wanted to be single. I wanted to be married to a man who wanted me, wanted to spend time with me, and would love me as much as I loved him... But that wasn't my life. 

From young couples, or couples my age, or even older couples, I hear these same words... I just want to be with you! It's important. It's a heart desire, It's the moment I wait for every single day - that moment when you get home.

Usually, it's the wife who is staying home with the kids who says this. I said it. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home, until I realized that home was the last place on the planet he wanted to be. He'd rather be anywhere other than with me.

That generally isn't the case...

In most relationships, the working husband would really rather be working with his wife, or with his wife and family, than away from them working at a job. And most of the time, his desire for his wife to be 'more independent' isn't a plea for her to actually go on her own to places where he isn't, but rather an encouragement for her to find something to complete her life - besides him.

The struggle between them is to find ways to benefit each other, the relationship between them, and still be mutually independent, with some individual interests that don't take them away from each other, but rather bring them together to celebrate their individual achievements.

If you're having these discussions, and think your spouse isn't 'there for you'? Or you wonder when you'll be able to spend the time together that you desire to spend? Or you wonder if your spouse gets you?

I have a few suggestions:

1 - instead of complaining about what your spouse isn't - compliment him or her for what they are to you. Tell them how blessed you feel by their presence in your life.

2 - instead of speaking out of anger when your spouse isn't enough - praise him or her for who they are and ask God to fill the gap. Just be grateful for what you have.

3 - instead of complaining that your spouse wants too much of you - thank God that they want you at all. There are many out there who reject their spouses and want nothing to do with them.

4 - instead of wishing he or she was there with you - celebrate your time apart when you're back together again.

5 - instead of wondering why you married this person who frustrates you to no end you could ever understand - seek to remember why you married this person, and try to be the person they wanted to marry, too.

You can do this --- if you really try to understand.

Yeah, I'm that girl... The one who is single, but not because she wanted to be. I'm single because I married the guy who didn't want to be married. It's okay, I find love in every day moments, in life happening around me, and in the wonder of being a mom. I love my life - I hope you love yours too. If you need advice, I'm probably not the person to ask, but I can tell you - don't leave, fix what's broken... Love more! [http://prayersgoviral.com]

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